i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
