I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
