i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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