if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
