I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize