She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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