i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
