She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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