I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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