he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
