I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
