Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize