im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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