Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
