I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Randomize
