I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
