Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
