why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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