I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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