he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
