Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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