So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
