I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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