i permit you to call me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
