I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
