NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
