and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
