apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
