I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
