1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
