This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
