I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
