oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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