Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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