I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize