the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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