Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
