There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
