I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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