Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
