i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
