her vagine was all disorganized.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
