Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
