The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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