whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
