2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
