i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
