i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
