He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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