We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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