its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
