I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My feet surprised me
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