I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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