he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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