We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize