Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
