I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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