its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
