I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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