Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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