I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
