I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
