I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You ruined the universe
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
