also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
