i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
