just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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