can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
