I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How naked do you want me to be?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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