Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
