naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
