I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
