oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
