You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
