You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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