Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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