Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Holy shit dude........stairs
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
