Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
