if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
