he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
pray to the hookup gods
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
