So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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